Boss Bitch Survival Tips: Party Safety By Special Correspondent Carina Moretti

One important note before we start. I’m not encouraging you to party. Stay home instead, doesn’t bother me. However, I am assuming at some point in your lives, you may be called upon to party. These are rules that will help you when that time comes. 

Tip 1: Partying in a group is strongly recommend. I don’t know what your poison is, booze, weed, sex, social acceptance, but whatever it is, if you’re going somewhere to break the 9-5 rules, and/or plan on being around a lot of 9-5 rule breakers—have a crew. 

Maybe you’re the most responsible bitch in the world, I don’t know, but I do know that nightlife attracts a lot of bad intentions. At the very least, have a wing woman with you. Predators look for the easiest prey—don’t be easy prey just to prove you can stand up for yourself. 

Tip 2: Ladies that party together, stay together. Establish this rule at the beginning of the night, while everyone is happy and sober. Make sure it sinks in, because they may not be as enthusiastic about it later. I’ll say it again:

Ladies that party together, leave together. 

It’s an unbreakable rule. 

You never, ever let your girl go home with the man she met two hours ago because she knows it’s love at first sight. Or maybe she just suspects it might be extra thick. Either way, there is no excuse that makes this rule breakable. Doesn’t matter if it’s Ed Fucking Sherridan, have her get his number and call him the next day when she’s sober.  

Here’s something I learned, these motherfuckers always answer the phone the next day. They don’t stop wanting it after they’ve slept the tequila off and had a cup of coffee. They always show the fuck up for female attention. They are never too sober for it. Prince Charming will still be there for her—if she wants him. 

Side note, this goes the same for one of your girls wanting to wander off with a lady she just met. Maybe she’s feeling experimental, maybe it’s her thing, but the rule is unbreakable both ways. Call Princess Peach in the morning, she’ll likely still be there and happily interested. 

Tip 3: You do not take anything from strangers. Ever. This is another unbreakable rule, and more so, you don’t let other ladies take things from strangers. Make sure all your drinks come directly from the bartender. Trust me, I have brothers, and real men know this rule too. If a man wants to buy a lady drink, he has it delivered from the bartender. 

If someone (man or woman) hands you a drink, candy, drugs, a snack, etc. . .  you are absolutely not obligated to consume it. I see so many women in clubs politely take these things simply because they don’t want to be rude. I wish I was making this up, but I’m not. Be rude. Please. Even if the person has the best of intentions, do them a favor and teach them social standards that are in place to protect everyone. Just say, “Sorry, I don’t accept drinks from strangers, but you look like a guy manly enough to drink that Sex on the Beach from a pink straw without apology.” 

Drinks only come from bartenders. 

Weed only comes from budtenders. 

If you are at a private party, make sure you know your host and make a habit of pouring your own drinks. Always be aware of your crowd and err on the side of caution. 

Tip 4: Know your surroundings. Pay attention to where the exits are, not just the main ones, but the emergency exits as well. Be extra cautious and extra aware if the room is crowded . Keep your friends reachable. If something goes down, get out, and once you get out don’t go back in. 

Tip 5: Don’t carry a purse. Chose outfits with pockets that will allow you to carry the essentials. Side tip, comfortable shoes matter too. Keep yourself quick and mobile.

Tip 6: Have a group chat and share your locations throughout the length of your outing. You can turn it off later without apology. Really don’t skip this one. Remember tip two, ladies who party together, leave together, so make absolutely sure everyone can find each other at any given moment. A friend may go rogue because she thinks she found a thick one. Sharing locations will ensure you find her before bad life choices can be made. 

Tip 7: Know your girls and their level of party. If it has the potential to get wild, have a designated sober friend. Nowadays, with rides just a click away, ladies can get into trouble when everyone is drinking. Even if no one has to drive, there still needs to be one bitch clear headed enough to peel everyone else off the floor and put them inside the cab. 

Tip 8: Don’t drink on an empty stomach. Make sure everyone eats first. Your night will last a lot longer if you follow this rule. 

Tip 9: Water is your friend. Decide ahead of time that you are going to drink at least as much water as booze, ideally more water. Again, this will help your night last longer and make your morning much more pleasant. And this doesn’t mean trying to suck down two bottles of water after you’ve gotten sick. Spread it out throughout the night, make it a habit to drink lots and lots of water while you’re partying. This is often the one rule that separates the seasoned partiers from the ones who end up passed out in the corner. 

Tip 10: Don’t carry a debit card! If at all possible, carry a revolving credit card instead. If stolen, a credit card company will reverse the charges almost instantly, a debit card is much more difficult, and this is money from your checking account. You could end up with bounced rent checks, no access to cash and a lot of fees while you sort it all out.